Communicating With Children
Topics: Family
Children and teens are impacted by the PSP lifestyle and can experience a range of emotions related to a parent/guardian’s PSP work. Being willing to discuss their perspectives and feelings and answer their questions lets them know that you will be there to listen and provide support when needed.
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Communicating about worrisome, sad, or difficult topics can be challenging. Avoiding tough subjects does not help children or teens learn to manage worries and to accept that sad and bad things do happen. Age-appropriate discussions about the PSP job and risks can help children and teens worry less. If your child has concerns, understanding their point of view allows you to problem solve together and provide support. Below are tips for communicating with children and teens, particularly when dealing with difficult subjects.
- Ask your child what they know about the topic, which can help you find where to begin. You can ask an open-ended question, such as “What do you know about…?”
- Listen. Allow for pauses and silence. Give your child time to think, respond, and elaborate.
- Avoid asking leading questions (where the question suggests an answer) (e.g., You are scared when Mommy goes to work, aren’t you?).
- Find out how your child feels and validate their feelings (e.g., show that you are listening and understand, use validating statements such as “I can see why you’re feeling ___”).
- Tell your child how you feel. This is a good way to model the skills of identifying emotions and communicating feelings.
- Be honest (in an age-appropriate way). Avoid giving details that are too graphic or scary.
- Say “I don’t know” – it’s okay to not have all of the answers.
- It’s okay if they become tearful or cry when discussing difficult topics (learning to accept and talk about sad or anxious feelings are important skills).
- Comfort your child if they become upset. Let them know that they are cared for and loved.
- Have discussions at a pace that works for your child. Discussing a difficult topic may take place over several conversations.
- Let your child know that you will do everything you can to keep yourself safe, them safe, etc.
A Note on Anxiety
It is normal for children and teens to worry or have some anxiety. Anxiety becomes a problem if it is intense, happens often, and makes it hard to do everyday activities. If you think that anxiety may be a problem for your child or teen, consult with your primary care provider or a qualified mental health professional.
For more information about anxiety in children and teens, visit:
practicing open-ended questions
Open-ended questions or prompts tend to lead to more elaborate responses (not just a yes or no). These questions or statements can begin with how, why, who, what, where, when, or tell me about. Participate in the activity below to see if you can identify open-ended questions.
Using a variety of open-ended questions (or prompts), and waiting for a response, can take practice. During your next one-on-one conversation with your child or teen, try the following:
DOWNLOAD: Tips to Open-ended Questions
Afterward, consider the following: What was it like intentionally using open-ended questions with your child? What did you learn?
Once you have practiced using open-ended questions about everyday situations, begin asking open-ended questions related to PSP work or the lifestyle. The more you practice, the easier the skills of asking open-ended questions and listening will become. This can make it easier to initiate conversations about concerns or difficult topics, when needed.
References for this page (click to expand)
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Carrico, C. P. (2012). A look inside firefighter families: A qualitative study. ProQuest Dissertations Publishing.
Cox, M., Norris, D., Cramm, H., Richmond, R., & Anderson, G. S. (2022). Public safety personnel family resilience: a narrative review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(9), 5224. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph19095224 ;
Gurwitch, R. (2021). How to talk to children about difficult news. American Psychological Association. Retrieved December 10, 2022, from https://www.apa.org/topics/journalism-facts/talking-children
Kolucki, B., & Lemish, D. (2011). Communication with children: Principles and practices to nurture, inspire, excite, educate and heal. UNICEF. Retrieved December 10, 2022, from https://www.comminit.com/global/content/communicating-children-principles-and-practices-nurture-inspire-excite-educate-and-heal
Traub, S. (2016). Communicating effectively with children. University of Missouri Extension. Retrieved December 10, 2022, from https://extension.missouri.edu/media/wysiwyg/Extensiondata/Pub/pdf/hesguide/humanrel/gh6123.pdf
Walker, J. R., & McGrath, P. (2013). Coaching for confidence workbook. Anxiety Disorders Association of Manitoba.
Wasik, B. A., & Hindman, A. H. (2013). Realizing the promise of open-ended questions. The Reading Teacher, 67(4), 302-311. https://doi.org/10.1002/trtr.1218