Goal Setting Together
Topics: Couples
Goal setting can provide an opportunity to understand priorities and make plans. A plan makes both partners accountable for the outcome. This can be particularly important for PSP couples who have busy schedules and may lose sight of things they hope to achieve. They may want to change habits (e.g., develop a healthier diet), address relationship challenges (e.g., increase couple time), or have long-term plans (e.g., save for retirement). It can be helpful to start with smaller goals (e.g., eating a vegetable with each meal this week) before you take on bigger goals that may require significant change.
Things to consider…
- Clarifying what your shared goals are (big and small).
- Deciding what goals are realistic and negotiating priorities.
- Writing down goals.
- Determining the steps you will need to take to achieve goals.
- Understanding how you will measure progress and success.
Skill building:
Goal Setting Together
If you plan to work together to set goals, consider the following steps: 
- Individually write down 3 goals.
- Share and compare your goals. Is there overlap between your goals or the areas in which you hope to see change? Choose 1 or 2 that you would both like to prioritize (this may require compromise and negotiation).
- Assess the goal(s) that you chose to prioritize using the “less effective” and “more effective” examples above. Are they measurable and attainable? Are there any tweaks that will make for your goal “more effective”?
- If your goals are too general, think about your specific circumstances (e.g., schedules, shifts, family responsibilities, etc.) and realistic steps that can be taken to achieve these goals. The following questions can help you fine tune your goals.
- What are the specific behaviours connected to your goal that you would like to change?
- How can you break this goal down into smaller, achievable steps?
- What is a small, first step that you can take?
- How can you measure whether you are making progress toward achieving your goal?
- Discuss the strengths and skills that each of you have to support the changes you plan to make? What strengths do you have as a couple?
- Write down your goal(s), the specific steps that you plan to take to achieve this goal, and how you plan to track your progress and success.
- On a monthly basis, sit down together and check on your progress. Are you achieving your goals? If so, celebrate your success! If not – has anything changed? You may need to revisit your goals or how you plan to achieve them. It can be useful to allow flexibility and adjust rather than abandon your goals altogether.
References for this page (click to expand)
Disabled and Here (photo by Chona Kasinger) https://affecttheverb.com/disabledandhere/ (CC by 4.)
Weber, T., McKeever, J. E., & McDaniel, S. H. (1985). A beginner’s guide to the problem-oriented first family interview. Family Process, 24, 357–364. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.1985.00357.x
Woods, S.B. (2019). Goal setting in couple and family therapy. In J.L. Lebow, A. L. Chambers, D.C. Breunlin (Eds.), Encyclopedia of couple and family therapy (pp. 1303-1307) . Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-15877-8